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POEM: I Can’t Explain you! (Oh Messenger of God)

Fri, 2 May 2008 11:43:23 -0700

I could not
write about you
For fear
Fear of your presence
And fear of
My hearts' brittleness
That I might die
In this pursuit
Yet wishing to die
In this state of intoxicated love
This is the conflict within me
Language cannot explain
Except the language
of tears and laughter
Even the molecules
Of my body
Shake and tremble
With awe and excitement!

I just can't explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can't explain you!

Sometimes I forget
To say "Prophet" before your name
Not from heedlessness
But from desirous haste
To just say your name!
Muhammad, Muhammad, Muhammad!

I just can't explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can't explain you!

Oh the mystery of how
You have captured my heart
As a Christian
I loved the Prophets
Before you
But with you
I get them all!
I can love
Abraham, Moses and Jesus
Just by loving you!
Without this love
Your nation falls
With it
They are purified and irresistible!
Let those who
Possess this love
Not be stingy
Take it to the marketplace!
The workplace
And especially the home

It's hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can't explain you!

Seeing the land of your life
causes some to live
And seeing your grave
Causes some to die
Nothing is more difficult
Than you
In my youth
I have written easily
My love for many
But when I encountered you
The translator of my heart
Fell mute
Lost in inexplicable wonder!

That is hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can't explain you!

You sacrificed for me
Before I was even born
How should I thank you
As I now walk upon the earth?
My heart holds your love
My tongue sends you blessings
But it is my limbs
That often fall short
All this controversy about you
A proof of the veil
On your enemies hearts
And a proof against those
Who only follow you with words
But don't turn your face from me
As I reach for a drink
From your soft hands

Because it's hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can't explain you!

by Aaron Haroon Sellars

I heard one of my Teachers say that upon the poet is to write about the Messenger of God, may His peace and blessings be upon him. As a person who often writes things in a form that some call poetry, I have been haunted by the weight of this statement since hearing it!
I converted to the way of life called “Islam” because of an overwhelming sense of the divine origin and authority of the Quran and after a mere glimpse at the life of the Prophet Muhammad, may His peace and blessings be upon him.
So the feeling of love and debt is immense -yet every time I have tried to write something about him... I get stuck! I just sit there frozen with my pen hovering over a piece of paper that ultimately is left blank.
Then, one of my closest companions sent me a link to a YouTube video about the “Mahabbah Awards” which is a unique awards program done in the spirit of love for Allah and His Messenger.
Unexpectedly, this short and simple video clip opened a flash-flood of emotions and tears within me that I could not control or contain! I jumped up from my chair to try and regain my composure but felt a rumble inside like someone was boiling water in my chest! My knees started to buckle so I sat back down and felt a pressure in my head and heat in my heart that I knew from experience would lead to words!
“Finally!” I said to myself, I have a chance to say something about this amazing Messenger! I quickly grabbed my pen and an orange Post-it notes pad and started to scribble as fast as I could, the English translation of this stream of consciousness and love.
May the Giver of Gifts gift us with loving His beloved more than our own selves.
From the book, Ash-Shifa’ of Qadi ‘Iyad...
Anas said that a man came to the Prophet and asked, "When will the Last Hour come, Messenger of Allah?" He said, "What have you prepared for it?" He said, "I have not prepared a lot of prayer or fasting or charity for it, but I love Allah and His Messenger." The Prophet said, "You will be with the one you love." (al-Bukhari)
It is related that a woman said to A’isha (may Allah be pleased with her), “Show me the grave of the Messenger of Allah.” She showed it to her and the woman wept until she died.

POEM: Something (with Audio)

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:51:21 -0700

Something like sadness
But not sad
Like depression
But not depressed
A sinking feeling
Not just in my stomach
All over
Can't Father right now
Because I don't feel human
Not human enough
To nature humanity in another
Can't manage the household
Without a hold on myself
Can't get a grip
When I'm not grabbing for anything
I need seclusion
Not to exclude
But to be alone
Not lonely
Life has become a collection of tasks
Instead of a collection of experiences
Insight and wisdom
Have been slaughtered
By expedience
Gone are the seasoned
And even the seasons are confused
Strange to feel seriously dead
While breathing
Staring until my vision blurs
Is this what it looks like
Inside my head?
Blurry and unfocused
Foggy and hazy
Is this what I have become
Or what I am?
I would hate to think so.

by Aaron Haroon Sellars

“O’ Allah, we seek refuge in You from anxiety and grief; we seek refuge in You from incapability and laziness; we seek refuge in You from miserliness and cowardliness; We seek refuge in You from the burden of debt and from the tyranny of man.”
-a prayer authentically transmitted from the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him .
What a comprehensive supplication! I find myself repeating it often with soothing and stabilizing results.

REFLECTIONS: Trusting Women

Thu, 1 Nov 2007 10:01:22 -0700

I know of no greater harm to women than God-conscious-less men.
If men were to realize that the controlling nature of women is not like the controlling nature of men, then men would stop oppressing them. The controlling nature of the woman stems from mercy and the dominating and controlling nature of men stem from fear -fear of not being in control and therefore often leads to tyranny and oppression of those under their charge.
Men should trust and fear God, instead of fearing a lack of control.
Men should trust women -especially since they were born of one and know that they are in good hands like they were when they were in the womb for all that time. When the man and woman trust each other through their trust in God, then they will know that they are in good hands and relax and enjoy each other's company. then that joy with each other will be beautified and amplified indescribably for eternity in the Abode of Peace, ya Salaam!

If the women were to have true and proper access to the Sheyukh, the world would change in an instant!
Men have very direct and intimate contact with the Sheyukh. They sit literally at their feet, they look straight into their eyes, they shake, hold and kiss their hands, cheeks and foreheads. they inhale their scent and even the breathe that exits their lungs when they speak -yet look at the state of us men! look at our contributions to humanity and the world today! Then look at what women are achieving, spiritually and materially with only a fraction of this access to the spiritual guides! I believe this is because the secret at the core of every believing woman is the certain knowledge that God is enough and He is sufficient as a Guardian and Trustee of affairs!
So men should either pave the way or move out of the way!
Men should stop being jealous of women and be thankful that God created them!

- from the journal in my head

THOUGHT 4 FOOD: The Devil in Me

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:48:03 -0700

Lots of “thought 4 food” in this insightful podcast about Sam Slaven, an Iraq War veteran who came home from the War plagued by feelings of hate and anger toward Muslims. TAL producer Lisa Pollak tells the story of the unusual action Sam took to change himself, and the Muslim students who helped him do it.

I think this is an excellent piece for group discussion!
Please listen and share any of your reflections in the comments section.

Click the image above to listen.

POEM: A Day of Fasting (with Audio)

Wed, 3 Oct 2007 15:04:04 -0700

A DAY OF FASTING

A day of fasting
is a day of caution
Feeling fatigued
from desirous exhaustion
Pass or fail
is a matter of the unseen
So struggle I must
to keep my record clean
A tune up for the soul
more vital than a car
To clean up a sinful heart
encrusted like tar
It's been a little while
since I entered this state
I taste the bitter patience
during my tasteless wait
The sting of thirst
settles in
As well as painful memories
of sin
Realizing how much my soul
has been ignored
Realizing that true hunger
is distance from my Lord
Realizing careless words
that cut like a knife
Realizing I have never
been truly hungry in my life
Realizing I have much longer to go
than I thought
Realizing that purification
is not easily bought
But it is a gift
for the sick and diseased
It is a gift
from a Lord well pleased
Like one searching all his life
for a lost treasure
Can we survive one second
outside of His pleasure!
Oh how I hope that He is pleased with me
when I return
Oh how I hope to be shown my mistakes now
that I might learn
Learn to draw near
like those that draw nearest
Learn to make a place in my heart
where His remembrance is dearest
Thoughts crystal clear now
to see the ways of error
Reflection upon that Great Day
its rewards and its terror!
Clear is the way of the rejecters
who have fled from His Light!
Clear is the way of the reflectors
who flow with insight
Increasing in certitude
of the Overwhelming Event!
Increasing sensitivity
to how time is best spent
Followers of the Prophets
whose restraint gave them power!
Manifesters of Truth
satan can't devour
Oh consumers of the illicit!
no shame in how we're behaving?
Is the permissible not sufficient
to satisfy our cravings!?
Are you a Muslim
or a fool?
Accept this invitation to a pool
Fed by a river called Kawthar
whiter than milk, sweeter than honey!
For those whose Lord was God
not sex, food and money
Rejoicing that the life of this world
is a goner
Waiting for that first glance
at the One full of Majesty, Bounty and Honor!
How joyful all these thoughts
as my heart seems to soften
Surely I should fast more often!

by Aaron Haroon Sellars

NOTES:
Shortly before converting to Islam I was heavily under its influence. Once I found out that Muslims fasted for a month, I decided to try it for a day. I convinced my friend Chris to join me on the experiment so we picked a date and neither ate nor drank during the day.
We met up later that night to reflect on our experiences and tough it out together until fast-breaking time at 12:01am -yes 12:01am! We thought that Muslims fasted until the next day. It was quite a relief to find out after converting that fast-breaking was at sunset!
One of the reflections that I shared with Chris was in the form of a song that I wrote while being spaced out at work. I like reflecting on it after reading the poem above, A Day of Fasting which was written after converting. The first half of the song goes like this...

My head is spinning
how long will I last?
Feeling kind of dizzy
because of the fast

But I’ve got to make it
I’ve got to take it
Try not to fake it
try not to brake it!

I believe
I shall receive
What I’m looking for
if I break through the door

Again and again
I bow and nod
Humbling myself
to the will of God

What I want to know
might not be shown
God has keys
to knowledge unknown

I'm out for my own
when I make the endeavor
Some say I’m stupid
some say I’m clever

Some people think I’m
wasting my time
But their soul’s theirs
and my soul’s mine!

Sometimes I think that I’ll wait
until I’m dead
But every single day
it burns in my head

It permeates my thoughts!
permeates my dreams!
Sometimes I feel like
the product of a scheme

But I don’t want to wait
until I’m dead
To know what I want to know
I want to know now instead!

I owe it to my soul
to try
It’s the most important thing to me
Before I die!